'Looking down their nose at you': GameStop frenzy showed a fresh contempt for hedge funds. Why do Americans hate them? Updated 2:25 pm EST Feb. 11, 2021 In the middle of a pandemic and slow economic recovery, Americans think they’ve identified their Wall Street villain: hedge funds. Their nemesis is summed up in a few searing images: a hedge fund manager who makes millions betting that the subprime mortgage market will collapse, without warning them. Or another relaxing on a yacht as the economy tanks. Years of anger culminated late last month when a group of angry small-time investors on Reddit took on a few of those firms in the GameStop “short squeeze” frenzy. That spurred millions of others to join in, as their effort to drive up the price of a stock perceived as undervalued soon shifted to a campaign to “Stick it to Wall Street." They used the "squeeze" to rally the share price and make profits for themselves while forcing the hedge funds who had bet it would fall to buy it to prevent greater losses. What are these funds, and where does this resentment come from? Hedge funds, known for using higher risk investing strategies, are private investment vehicles that typically wealthy individuals use to get higher returns. They control more than $3 trillion in assets globally. They've angered many Americans by gutting companies such as former American retail icon Sears, causing layoffs and engaging in questionable financial practices that contributed to the near collapse of the U.S. financial system in 2008, experts say. 'This is life changing': Meet the Redditors behind the GameStop saga “Most people see it as guys in suits looking down their nose at you,” says Adam Bixler, 28, an active user on the WallStreetBets Reddit forum, whose members led the charge against the funds. “How I feel is probably how a lot of people feel when thinking about the financial crisis and the massive wealth inequality that exists in this country.” Radio Shack, Toys ‘R’ Us and Payless ShoeSource, along with mall-based retailers such as the Limited, Wet Seal, Claire’s and Aeropostale faced further financial woes after hedge funds and private equity firms loaded them up with debt. A fight is raging in the stock market: Should you worry about your 401(k)? Where to get vaccines: CVS, Walgreens to begin delivering COVID-19 vaccines on Friday “The idea that you can crack open a hedge fund like a piñata and redistribute all this money to people in the form of a short squeeze is very appealing,” says Bixler, who lives in Boonton, New Jersey, and works as a product manager for a company that makes software and tools for the advertising industry. “These are the stimulus checks that everyone wanted.” Proponents of hedge funds say the firms identify and support distressed industries such as retailers and newspapers. These funds are owned by groups of big investors pooling the savings of millions of unionized workers, such as teachers and firefighters, who count on hedge funds to grow and protect their nest eggs. Even so, hedge funds are viewed as vultures by many Americans. Kaysha Apodaca, an emergency room nurse in Dallas, was furious last summer when she lost thousands of dollars after CytoDyn, a biotechnology company she owns, was hammered following a negative report from a “short selling” research firm, about one of CytroDyn's drugs in clinical trials. The post with the research was later pulled. This year, Apodaca thought she missed the opportunity to jump in and buy GameStop or AMC, so she supported the Reddit campaign against hedge funds by investing a few thousand dollars into shares of Nokia, another beaten-down stock discussed on the forum. “I hate hedge funds. Even if this goes to zero, I’m OK with it. I’m not selling, just to prove a point,” Apodaca said. “Hedge funds have unfairly made money off retail investors for years. Now they’re getting a taste of their own medicine.” For Iris Findlay of Orlando, Florida, joining the movement was a way for Americans to show their strength in numbers. “I’m definitely not OK that there are so many billionaires hoarding their wealth while people are struggling, especially during the pandemic,” said Findlay, 31, who is disabled and retired from the Air Force. A large portion of hedge-fund assets are owned by institutional investors, such as pension funds and endowments. Hedge fund research has been critical in exposing an array of accounting fraud scandals in recent decades, including the one involving energy firm Enron. “Hedge funds do play a very important role in the financial ecosystem, but at the same time, they have a PR problem,” says Andrew Lo, a finance professor at MIT Sloan School of Management. They are an easy target, experts say, because some high-profile managers' massive wealth offends Americans who struggle to make ends meet. Michael Burry, founder of Scion Asset Management, is an investor whose billion-dollar bet against the housing market was chronicled in Michael Lewis' book "The Big Short." He personally collected $100 million and made $750 million in profits for his investors. These managers “are seen as multibillionaires that really don’t care about the public good and are focused on enriching themselves and their investors,” Lo says. “But I think that’s a caricature, especially given that hedge funds now have become much more institutionalized as pension funds and endowments are investing in these financial vehicles.” Who do Americans blame? When asked who was the “most in the wrong” in the trading mania that set off one of the biggest short squeezes in history, nearly half of Americans polled said it was either hedge funds (27%) or online brokerage Robinhood (22%), according to a Harris Poll survey conducted Jan 29-31 that was given to USA TODAY exclusively. Just 8% said it was the Reddit retail investors on the WallStreetBets forum, who angered hedge funds that had bet GameStop's stock would remain low. The small-time investors used the forum to help drive up the prices for shares such as GameStop, theater chain AMC Entertainment and several other companies. Many respondents were angry that hedge funds were shorting stocks – betting that the share prices would fall – of companies that average people use and love, according to John Gerzema, CEO of the Harris Poll. “This wasn’t just an attack on a few weak companies,” Gerzema says. “These are companies that are a part of middle-class America and ordinary people’s lives.” How did these funds begin, and how did they grow into such big villains in the minds of so many? What are hedge funds? Hedge funds are financial partnerships between a professional fund manager and investors who pool their money into the fund to earn active returns. Hedge funds can be traced back to the 1940s when Alfred Winslow Jones, an investor, sociologist and former Fortune magazine writer, created a "hedge" by “shorting" stocks he thought were poised to fall. The "hedge" was meant to reduce risk and protect against market fluctuations. It was unconventional at the time but remains the basic strategy for these funds. Hedge fund strategies today are more diverse and run the gamut of extremely risky to fairly conservative. There's another theory about the origin of hedge funds, and this one is connected to a more beloved figure. Some people credit the founding of hedge funds to Benjamin Graham, a mentor to Warren Buffett and the author of "The Intelligent Investor" – the bible of everyone who loves Buffett's method of investing. Buffett, one of the world's richest people and a folksy inspiration to small-time investors, argued that Graham managed a fund with a "hedge"-like strategy in the 1920s. So you made a bundle on GameStop: Get ready to pay the taxes How did hedge funds evolve? Hedge funds have gained in popularity over the past two decades after many of them delivered hefty outsize returns in either up or down markets, an attractive selling point for savvy investors. Some of the world's largest hedge funds include Bridgewater Associates, founded by billionaire Ray Dalio; Renaissance Technologies, founded by billionaire Jim Simons; and Pershing Square, run by Wall Street billionaire Bill Ackman. They have historically charged much higher fees than mutual funds, which are professionally managed funds that invest in stocks, bonds or money market instruments. Since hedge fund managers are nearly always paid a performance fee, or percentage of the gains they create, they have a strong incentive to make money for their investors. For the hedge fund managers to earn performance fees, their investors have to make money first. Hedge funds charge an expense ratio and a performance fee. The common fee structure is known as two and twenty – a 2% asset management fee and a 20% cut of generated gains. How did they become villains? While many Americans lost money during the depths of the financial crisis, some big-time investors did astonishingly well, including those who predicted and profited from the buildup and collapse of the housing and credit bubble in 2007 and 2008. For those Americans who had their livelihoods upended in the financial crisis, it left a bad taste in their mouths, experts say. “They’re associated with ruthless financial institutions that are out there to make money and not care where it’s coming from,” says Itay Goldstein, a professor of finance and economics at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business. A big winner from that time is billionaire investor John Paulson, a hedge fund manager who netted $20 billion in profits when he bet against subprime mortgages at the peak of the credit bubble in 2007. In general, short sellers keep stock prices in check by voicing their opinion on where they believe a stock is valued, says Dennis Dick, head of markets structure and a proprietary trader at Bright Trading in Las Vegas. “I’m concerned with this public image that ‘evil short sellers are betting against America’ and that it’s ‘un-American to short stocks,’” Dick says. “It’s not like every short seller is making bets against America. They’re making calls on whether a stock is overvalued or not.” GameStop: Reddit ran a 5-second Super Bowl ad in honor of WallStreetBets, GameStop stock volatility The hedge fund industry has faced a rough stretch in recent years and underperformed the broader stock market but produced its best return in a decade at 11.6% in 2020, according to data provider Hedge Fund Research. Some received a boost from shares of technology firms and companies that focused on goods that people used when stuck at home during the pandemic. Americans who don’t invest directly in hedge funds still receive a benefit from the returns that hedge funds generate, according to Daniel Smith, a partner at ACA Compliance Group, an advisory firm for financial services. Of the $4.5 trillion in state and local pension plans, about 6.9% is allocated to hedge funds, according to data published by the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, the Center for State and Local Government Excellence and the National Association of State Retirement Administrators. ”Hedge funds help secure the retirement of more than 26 million teachers, firefighters and other public employees by helping pensions navigate all market conditions and meet long-term financial obligations,” says Bryan Corbett, president and CEO at Managed Funds Association, a hedge fund lobby group. GameStop and questions of power The rollercoaster involving GameStop, Reddit and Robinhood has prompted Capitol Hill’s harshest criticisms of Wall Street in years. Several prominent lawmakers on Capitol Hill have warned of such moments, cautioning that companies and hedge funds have too much power. One of these lawmakers, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., who is well known for her disapproval of Wall Street, called on the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to address the dramatic swings surrounding these companies. Warren wrote in a letter that it is “long beyond time for the SEC to act” and asked it to investigate the rallies in GameStop, AMC Entertainment and others that “have seen huge shifts in their share price driven by similar internet reading schemes.” "These wild fluctuations are just the latest indication that many private equity firms, hedge funds, and other investors, big and small, are treating the stock market like a casino, giving little consideration to the companies, communities, workers, and consumers that may be affected by these risky bets," she wrote. The House Financial Services Committee will hold a virtual hearing Feb. 18 regarding “recent market volatility” involving GameStop and the other companies. According to Politico, the CEO of Robinhood, Vlad Tenev, is likely to testify. GameStop-Robinhood stock revolution: Not a secure retirement plan Does the movement have legs? Questions have been raised as to whether the populist movement threatening to disrupt the financial system will be sustained. It’s too early to tell, experts say. “It has the potential to gather momentum. It depends on whether we see other related episodes in the next few weeks that show the same kind of patterns in the financial markets," Goldstein says. "We live in a period of so many unusual things going on that it will probably take the edge off this event." Hedge funds such as Melvin Capital Management took the brunt of losses from soaring stock prices of GameStop and other heavily shorted stocks. Others made a ton of money on the rally, including Senvest Management, which had a profit of nearly $700 million, The Wall Street Journal reported. “Is it sticking it to Wall Street? Only temporarily, but in the long term probably not,” Goldstein says. “At the end of the day, the sophisticated financial institutions will find ways to recuperate and make money out of this.” Lo of MIT agrees. “This incident highlights the growing dissatisfaction, distrust and dislocation that many people feel with respect to the financial sector,” Lo says. “It suggests that people are sick and tired of being disenfranchised and being pushed around by large financial institutions.” Contributing: Savannah Behrmann

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Adventure Island II: Aliens in Paradise
Adventure Mega Pack
Adventure Player
Adventure Quiz Capcom World: Hatena no Daibouken
Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON'T KNOW!
Adventure Time: Finn and Jake Investigations
Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! Why'd You Steal Our Garbage?!
Adventure Time: The Secret of the Nameless Kingdom
Adventure of Little Ralph
Adventure of Tokyo Disney Sea
Adventures in Letterland With Jack and Jill
Adventures of Dino Riki
Adventures of Lolo
Adventures of Lolo 2
Adventures of Lolo 3
Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Adventures of Tron
Adventures of Yogi Bear
Adventures to Go!
Aedis Eclipse: Generation of Chaos
Aegis of Earth: Protonovus Assault
Aeon Flux
AereA
Aerial Assault
Aero Blasters
Aero Dancing F: Todoroki Tsubasa no Hatsu Hikou
Aero Dancing i
Aero Dancing i: Jikai Sakuma de Machite Masen
Aero Dancing: Torodoki Taichou no Himitsu Disc
Aero Elite: Combat Academy
Aero Fighters
Aero Fighters 2
Aero Fighters 3
Aero Fighters Assault
Aero The Acro-Bat
Aero the Acro-Bat
Aero the Acro-Bat 2
Aero the Acro-bat
AeroGauge
AeroWings
AeroWings 2: Air Strike
Aerobics Revolution
Aerobiz
Aerobiz Supersonic
Aerostar
AeternoBlade
Afraid Gear
Afraid Gear Another
Afrika
Afro Inu: The Puzzle
Afro Samurai
After Armageddon Gaiden: Majuu Toushouden Eclipse
After Burner
After Burner II
After Burner III
After Burner: Black Falcon
After Burst
After Hours Athletes
After... Wasureenu Kizuna
Again: Interactive Crime Novel
Agarest Senki Mariage
Agassi Tennis Generation
Agatha Christie's The ABC Murders
Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None
Agatha Christie: Evil Under the Sun
Agatha Christie: The ABC Murders
Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings
Age of Empires: Mythologies
Age of Empires: The Age of Kings
Agent Armstrong: Himitsu Shirei Daisakusen
Agent Collection
Agent Hugo
Agent Hugo: Hula Holiday
Agent Hugo: Lemoon Twist
Agent Hugo: Roborumble
Agents of Mayhem
Aggressive Inline
Aggressors of Dark Kombat
Agile Warrior F-111X
Ai Cho Aniki
Ai Sensei no Oshiete: Watashi no Hoshi
Ai Senshi Nicol
Ai Yori Aoshi
Aibou DS
Aidyn Chronicles: The First Mage
Aigiina no Yogen: Balubalouk no Densetsu Yori
Aigina no Yogen: Balubalouk no Densetsu Yori
Aikagi
Aikatsu Stars! My Special Appeal
Aikatsu! 2-nin no My Princess
Aikatsu! 365-Hi no Idol Days
Aikatsu! Cinderella Lesson
Aikatsu! My No.1 Stage!
Ailu de Puzzle
Air
Air Battle!
Air Buster
Air Cavalry
Air Combat
Air Conflicts Double Pack
Air Conflicts: Aces of World War II
Air Conflicts: Pacific Carriers
Air Conflicts: Secret Wars
Air Conflicts: Secret Wars - Ultimate Edition
Air Conflicts: Vietnam
Air Conflicts: Vietnam Ultimate Edition
Air Diver
Air Fortress
Air Hockey
Air Management '96
Air Race Championship
Air Raid
Air Raid 3
Air Raiders
Air Ranger 2 Plus: Rescue Helicopter
Air Ranger 2: Rescue Helicopter
Air Ranger: Rescue Helicopter
Air Rescue
Air Strike
Air Traffic Chaos
Air Zonk
Air-Sea Battle
AirBlade
AirBoarder 64
AirForce Delta
AirForce Delta Storm
AirForce Delta Strike
AirGrave
Airaki
Airborne Troops: Countdown to D-Day
Aircars
Airlock
Aironauts
Airs Adventure
Airship Q
Airwolf
Airwolf (Japan)
Aishiau Kotoshika Dekinai
Aisle Lord
Aitakute...Your Smiles in My Heart
Aiyoku no Eustia: Angel's Blessing
Aka-Chan Doubutsu Sono
Akagawa Jirou Mystery: Tsuki no Hikari
Akagawa Jirou Mystery: Yasoukyoku - Hon ni Manekareta Satsujin
Akagawa Jirou no Yuurei Ressha
Akagawa Jirou: Majotachi no Nemuri: Fukkatsusai
Akagawa Jirou: Yasoukyoku
Akagawa Jirou: Yasoukyoku 2
Akagi: Touhaiden
Akagi: Yami ni Furitatta Tensai
Akai Ito
Akai Ito DS
Akai Ito Destiny DS
Akai Katana
Akai Suna Ochiru Tsuki
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka Portable
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka: Parallel
Akatsuki no Amaneka to Aoi Kyojin
Akatsuki no Goei Trinity
Akaya Akashiya Ayakashino
Akazu no Ma
Akazukin ChaCha
Akiba's Beat
Akiba's Trip
Akiba's Trip 2+A
Akiba's Trip Plus
Akiba's Trip: Undead & Undressed
Akihabara Dennou Kumi Peta Pies!
Akira
Akira Psycho Ball
Akiyama Jin No Suugaku Mystery
Akko de Pon! Ikasama Hourouki
Akko ni Omakase! Brain Shock
Akogare Girls Collection: Lovely Youchien
Akogare Girls Collection: Mister Donut DS
Akogare Girls Collection: Ohanaya-San Monogatari
Akogare Girls Collection: Pika Pika Nurse Monogatari
Akogare Girls Collection: Suteki ni Nurse Days
Akudaikan
Akudaikan 2: Mousouden
Akudaikan 3
Akudaikan Manyuuki
Akudaikan Manyuuki: Seigi no Yaiba
Akuji the Heartless
Akuma Zensho Dainishuu
Akuma-kun: Makai no Wana
Akumajou Dracula
Akumajou Dracula X: Gekka no Yasoukyoku
Akumajou Special: Boku Dracula-kun
Akuu Senki Raijin
Al Unser Jr.'s Road to the Top
Al Unser Jr.'s Turbo Racing
Alabama Meets Will Vi
Aladdin Magic Racer
Alan Hansen's Sports Challenge
Alan Wake
Alarm for Cobra 11: Crash Time
Alarm fuer Cobra 11 Vol II
Albert Odyssey
Albert Odyssey 2: Jashin no Taidou
Albert Odyssey: Legend of Eldean
Album Club: Mune Kyun * Saint Poria Jogakuin
Alcahest
Aldynes
Aleck Bordon Adventure: Tower & Shaft Advance
Alekhine's Gun
Alex Ferguson's Player Manager 2001
Alex Ferguson's Player Manager 2002
Alex Kidd in Miracle World
Alex Kidd in Shinobi World
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Alex Kidd: High-Tech World
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars
Alex Rider: Stormbreaker
Alexandra Ledermann: Summer Camp Adventures
Alexi Lalas International Soccer
Alfa Romeo Racing Italiano
Alfred Chicken
Alfred's Adventure
Alia's Carnival! Sacrament
Alias
Alice in Cyberland
Alice in Wonderland
Alice no Paint Adventure
Alice on Borderlines
Alice's Mom's Rescue
Alice: Madness Returns
Alien
Alien 3
Alien Breed Trilogy
Alien Brigade
Alien Chaos 3D
Alien Crush
Alien Front Online
Alien Hominid
Alien Invaders Plus!
Alien Monster Bowling League
Alien Olympics
Alien Raiders
Alien Resurrection
Alien Soldier
Alien Storm
Alien Syndrome
Alien Trilogy
Alien vs. Predator
Alien vs. Predator: The Last of His Clan
Alien: Isolation
Alienators: Evolution Continues
Aliens Versus Predator: Extinction
Aliens in the Attic
Aliens vs. Predator
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Aliens: Colonial Marines
Aliens: Infestation
Aliens: Thanatos Encounter
Alisia Dragoon
Alive
All 1
All Grown Up! Express Yourself
All Japan Pro Wrestling Featuring Virtua
All Japan Woman Pro Wrestling
All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation
All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation 2
All Kamen Rider: Rider Revolution
All Night Nippon Super Mario Bros.
All Round Hunter
All Star 5-A-Side Football
All Star Action
All Star Cheer Squad
All Star Cheer Squad 2
All Star Karate
All Star Pro-Wrestling
All Star Racing
All Star Racing 2
All Star Soccer
All Star Tennis '99
All Star Tennis 2000
All Star Tennis 99
All Star Watersports
All-Pro Basketball
All-Pro Football 2K8
All-Star 1997 Featuring Frank Thomas
All-Star Baseball
All-Star Baseball 2000
All-Star Baseball 2001
All-Star Baseball 2002
All-Star Baseball 2003
All-Star Baseball 2004
All-Star Baseball 2005
All-Star Baseball 99
All-Star Fighters
All-Star Mahjong: Kareinaru Shoubushi Kara no Chousen
All-Star Major League Baseball
All-Star Professional Wrestling II
All-Star Professional Wrestling III
All-Star Slammin' D-Ball
All-Star Tennis 2
Alleyway
Allied Ace Pilots
Allied General
Alnam no Kiba: Juuzoku Juuni Shinto Densetsu
Alnam no Tsubasa: Shoujin no Sora no Kanata e
Alone in the Dark
Alone in the Dark 2
Alone in the Dark: Inferno
Alone in the Dark: One-Eyed Jack's Revenge
Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare
Alpha Beam With Ernie
Alpha Mission
Alpha Mission II
Alpha Protocol
Alpha and Omega
Alpine Racer 3
Alpine Ski Racing 2007
Alpine Skiing 2005
Alpine Skiing!
Alshark
Alter Echo
Altered Beast
Altered Beast: Guardian of the Realms
Altered Space: A 3-D Alien Adventure
Alundra
Alundra 2: A New Legend Begins
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Alzadick: Summer Carnival `92
Amaekata wa Kanojo Nari ni.
Amagami
Amagi Shien
Amagon
Amagoushi no Yakata
Amagoushi no Yakata Portable: Ichiyagi Wa, Saisho no Junan
Amatsumi Sora ni! Kumo no Hatate ni
Amazing Adventures: The Forgotten Ruins
Amazing Island
Amazing Penguin
Amazing Tater
America Daitouryou Senkyo: United State Presidental Race
America Daitouryou Senkyo: United State Presidential Race
America Oudan Ultra Quiz
America Oudan Ultra Quiz: Shijou Saidai no Tatakai
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 2
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 3
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 4
America's Army: Rise of a Soldier
America's Army: True Soldiers
America's Greatest Game Shows: Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy!
America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model (2008)
America's Test Kitchen: Let's Get Cooking
American Bass Challenge
American Battle Dome
American Chopper
American Chopper 2: Full Throttle
American Dream
American Girl: Julie Finds a Way
American Girl: Kit Mystery Challenge!
American Gladiators
American Idol
American Mensa Academy
American Ninja Warrior
American Pool
American Pool II
Amerzone: The Explorer's Legacy
Amida
Amidar
Amnesia
Amnesia Twin Pack
Amnesia World
Amnesia: Crowd
Amnesia: Later
Amnesia: Later x Crowd V. Edition
Amnesia: Memories
Amok
Among the Sleep
Amped 2
Amped 3
Amped: Freestyle Snowboarding
Amplitude
An American Tail
An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
An American Tail: Fievel's Gold Rush
AnEarth Fantasy Stories: First Volume
Anan Kanshuu: Onna Dikara Kinkyuu Up! DS
Anarchy Reigns
Anastasia
Anata Dake no Private Lesson - DS de Hajimeru - Tipness no Yoga
Anata o Yurusanai
Ancient Magic: Bazoe! Mahou Sekai
Ancient Roman: Power of Dark Side
And 1 Streetball
And-Kensaku
Andre Agassi Tennis
Andre Panza Kick Boxing
Andretti Racing
Andrew Lloyd Webber Musicals: Sing and Dance
Andro Dunos
Android Assault: The Revenge of Bari-Arm
Anesan
Angel Blade: Neo Tokyo Guardians
Angel Cat Sugar
Angel Collection
Angel Graffiti S: Anata e no Profile
Angel Graffiti: Anata e no Profile
Angel Love Online
Angel Paradise Vol. 1
Angel Paradise Vol. 2: Eshinu Kimika
Angel Present
Angel Profile
Angel Senki
Angel Wish
Angel Wish: Kimi no Egao ni Chu!
Angel's Feather
Angel's Feather: Kuro no Zanei
Angelic Concert
Angelique
Angelique Duet
Angelique Etoile
Angelique History
Angelique Retour
Angelique Special
Angelique Special 2
Angelique Trois
Angelique Trois: Aizouhen
Angelique Voice Fantasy
Angelique: Maren no Rokukishi
Angelique: Tenkuu no Requiem
Angler's Club: Ultimate Bass Fishing 3D
Angolmois 99
Angry Birds Star Wars
Angry Birds Trilogy
AniMates
AnimAction
Anima: Gate of Memories
Animal Boxing
Animal Breeder
Animal Breeder 2
Animal Breeder 3
Animal Breeder 4
Animal Crossing
Animal Crossing: City Folk
Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer
Animal Crossing: New Leaf
Animal Crossing: New Leaf - Welcome Amiibo
Animal Crossing: Wild World
Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival
Animal Football
Animal Genius
Animal Hospital
Animal Kingdom: Wildlife Expedition
Animal Mania
Animal Paradise
Animal Paradise Wild
Animal Planet: Emergency Vets
Animal Planet: Vet Collection
Animal Planet: Vet Life
Animal Snap: Rescue Them 2 By 2
Animal Soccer World
Animal Yokochou: Doki Doki Kyuushutsu Daisakusen! no Maki
Animal Yokochou: Doki*Doki Shinkyuu Shiken! no Kan
Animaniacs
Animaniacs Ten Pin Alley
Animaniacs: Lights, Camera, Action!
Animaniacs: The Great Edgar Hunt
Animastar
Animastar GB
Anime Eikaiwa: 15 Shounen Hyouryuuhen
Anime Eikaiwa: Tondemo Nezumi Daikatsuyaku
Anime Eikaiwa: Totoi
Anime Slot Revolution: Pachi-Slot Kidou Senshi Gundam II - Ai Senshi Hen
Animetic Story Game 1: Card Captor Sakura
Animorphs
Animorphs: Shattered Reality
Ankh: Curse of the Scarab King
Ankh: Tutankhamen no Nazo
Ankoku Shinwa: Yamato Takeru Densetsu
Annet Futatabi
Anno 1701: Dawn of Discovery
Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai
Anoko Doko Noko
Anoko wa Ore Kara Hanarenai
Anone DS
Another Bible
Another Century's Episode Portable
Another Code: R - A Journey into Lost Memories
Another Memories
Another Mind
Another Time Another Leaf: Kagami no Naka no Tantei
Another World
Anpanman Niko Niko Party
Anpanman to Asobo: ABC Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobo: Aiueo Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobo: New Aiueo Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobu: Aiueo Kyoushitsu DX
Anpanman to Touch de Waku Waku Training
Anpanman to Touch de Wakuwaku Training
Anpfiff: Der RTL Fussball-Manager
Ansatsu Kyoushitsu: Assassin Ikusei Keikaku!!
Ansatsu Kyoushitsu: Korosensei Daihouimou!!
Ant Nation
Antarctic Adventure
Anticipation
Antiphona no Seikahime: Tenshi no Score Op.A
Antz
Antz Extreme Racing
Antz Racing
Antz World Sportz
Anubis II
Ao Zora to Nakama Tachi: Yume no Bouken
Ao Zora to Nakama Tachi: Yume no Bouken Plus
Ao no 6-gou: Antarctica
Ao no Exorcist: Genkoku no Labyrinth
Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm
Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm HD Edition
Ao-Don DS: Hanabi no Goku & Hanabi no Takumi
Aoi Hagane no Kihei: Space Griffon
Aoi Namida
Aoi Sora no Neosphere: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki 2
Aoi Umi no Tristia Portable: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki
Aoi Umi no Tristia: 10th Anniversary Memorial Pack
Aoi Umi no Tristia: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki
Aoi no Mamade...
Aoishiro
Aoki Densetsu Shoot!
Aoki Kakumeki no Valkyria
Aoki Ookami to Shiroki Mejika: Genchou Hishi
Apache: Air Assault
Apathy: Narugami Gakuen Toshi Densetsu Tantei Kyoku
Ape Escape
Ape Escape 2
Ape Escape 3
Ape Escape Academy
Ape Escape Academy 2
Ape Escape: Million Monkeys
Ape Escape: On the Loose
Ape Escape: Pumped & Primed
Ape Quest
Apex
Apocalypse
Apocalypse: Desire Next
Apocripha/0
Apollo 11 VR Experience
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Appare! Gateball
Appare! Shogi Jiisan
Apple Town Monogatari
Appleseed
Appleseed EX
Aqua Aqua
Aqua GT
Aqua Kids
Aqua Kitty: Milk Mine Defender DX
Aqua Panic!
Aqua Paradise: Boku no Suizokukan
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am
Aqua World: Umibi Monogatari
AquaLife
AquaNox: The Angel's Tears
AquaPazza: AquaPlus Dream Match
AquaZone
AquaZone Option Disk Series 1: Angel Fish
AquaZone Option Disk Series 2: Black Molly
AquaZone Option Disk Series 3: Blue Emperor
AquaZone Option Disk Series 4: Clown Loach
AquaZone Option Disk Series 5: False Rummy-Nose
AquaZone: Desktop Life
AquaZone: Life Simulator
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Aquanaut no Kyuujitsu 2
Aquanaut no Kyuujitsu: Memories of Summer 1996
Aquanaut's Holiday
Aquanaut's Holiday: Kakusareta Kiroku
Aquarian Age: Tokyo Wars
Aquarium by DS
Ar nosurge Plus: Ode to an Unborn Star
Ar nosurge: Ode to an Unborn Star
Ar tonelico II: Melody of Metafalica
Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel
Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Arabian Nights
Arabians Doubt
Arabians Lost
Arabians Lost & Doubt Twin Pack
Aragami
Araiguma Rascal: Raccoon Rascal
Arashi no Yoruni
Arasuji de Kitaeru Sokumimi no Susume DS
Arasuji de Oboeru Sokudoku no Susume DS
Arc Arena
Arc Rise Fantasia
Arc the Lad
Arc the Lad Collection
Arc the Lad II
Arc the Lad III
Arc the Lad: End of Darkness
Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Arcade 3D
Arcade Archives: Darius
Arcade Classic No. 1: Asteroids / Missile Command
Arcade Classic No. 2: Centipede / Millipede
Arcade Classic No. 3: Galaga / Galaxian
Arcade Classic No. 4: Defender / Joust
Arcade Classic Shuu
Arcade Classics
Arcade Classics: Super Breakout / Battlezone
Arcade Classics: Volume One
Arcade Hits: Moon Cresta
Arcade Hits: Raiden
Arcade Hits: Soukyuugurentai
Arcade Party Pak
Arcade Shooter: Ilvelo
Arcade Shooting Gallery
Arcade Smash Hits
Arcade USA
Arcade Zone
Arcana
Arcana Famiglia 2
Arcana Famiglia: Festa Regalo
Arcana Famiglia: La storia della Aracana Famiglia
Arcana Famiglia: La storia della Aracana Famiglia - Ancora
Arcana Famiglia: Vascello Phantasma no Majutsushi
Arcana Heart
Arcana Heart 3
Arcana Heart 3: LOVEMAX!!!!!
Arcana Strikes
Arcania: Gothic 4
Arcania: The Complete Tale
Arch Rivals
Arch Rivals: A Basket Brawl!
Archer MacLean's Super Dropzone
Archer Maclean's 3D Pool
Archer Maclean's Mercury
Archon
Arcobaleno!
Arcobaleno! Portable
Arctic
Arctic Tale
Arctic Thunder
Arcus 1-2-3
Arcus Odyssey
Ardy Lightfoot
Are You Alice?
Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader: Make the Grade
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Back to School
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Make the Grade
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? Game Time
Are! Mo Kore? Mo Momotarou
Area 51
Arena Football
Arena Football: Road to Glory
Arena: Maze of Death
Aretha
Aretha II
Aretha II: Ariel no Fushigi na Tabi
Aretha III
Aretha the Super Famicom
Argos no Juujiken
Argos no Senshi
Argus
Aria: The Natural ~Tooi Yume no Mirage~
Aria: The Origination ~Aoi Hoshi no El Cielo~
Ark of Time
Arkana Senki Ludo
Arkanoid
Arkanoid DS
Arkanoid II
Arkanoid Returns
Arkanoid: Doh It Again
Arkista's Ring
Arle no Bouken: Mahou no Jewel
ArmaGallant: Decks of Destiny
Armada
Armada F/X Racers
Armadillo
Armana no Kiseki
Armed Fighter
Armed and Dangerous
Armen Noir
Armen Noir Portable
Armin Van Buuren: In The Mix
Armor Ambush
Armor Battle
Armor..Attack
Armored Core
Armored Core 2
Armored Core 2: Another Age
Armored Core 3
Armored Core 3 Portable
Armored Core 4
Armored Core V
Armored Core: For Answer
Armored Core: Formula Front
Armored Core: Formula Front - Extreme Battle
Armored Core: Last Raven
Armored Core: Last Raven Portable
Armored Core: Master of Arena
Armored Core: Nexus
Armored Core: Nine Breaker
Armored Core: Project Phantasma
Armored Core: Silent Line Portable
Armored Core: Verdict Day
Armored Encounter! / Sub Chase!
Armorines: Project S.W.A.R.M.
Arms
Arms' Heart
Army Corps of Hell
Army Men
Army Men 2
Army Men 3D
Army Men Advance
Army Men Gold: Collector's Edition
Army Men World War: Final Front
Army Men World War: Team Assault
Army Men: Air Attack
Army Men: Air Attack 2
Army Men: Air Combat
Army Men: Air Combat - The Elite Missions
Army Men: Green Rogue
Army Men: Major Malfunction
Army Men: Operation Green
Army Men: RTS
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2
Army Men: Sarge's War
Army Men: Soldiers of Misfortune
Army Men: Turf Wars
Army Men: World War
Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air
Army Rescue
Army of Two
Army of Two: The 40th Day
Army of Two: The Devil's Cartel
Arnold Palmer Tournament Golf
Around The World in 50 Games
Around the World in 80 Days
Arrow Flash
Arslan Senki
Arslan: The Warriors of Legend
Art Academy
Art Academy: Home Studio
Art Academy: Lessons for Everyone
Art Alive
Art Camion Geijutsuden
Art Camion Sugorokuden
Art Master
Art of Fighting
Art of Fighting 2
Art of Fighting 3: The Path of the Warrior
Art of Fighting Anthology
Artelius
Arthur and the Invisibles
Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard
Arthur to Astaroth no Nazo-Makai-Mura: Incredible Toons
Arthur! Ready to Race
Arthur's Absolutely Fun Day!
Artillery Duel
Artist Tool
Arubarea no Otome ~Uruwashi no Seishikitachi~
Arx Fatalis
Asahi Shinbun Rensai Katou Hifumi Kudan Shogi Shingiryuu
Asaki, Yumemishi
Asameshimae Nyanko
Ashen
Ashes Cricket 2009
Ashita no Joe
Ashita no Joe 2: The Anime Super Remix
Ashita no Joe Touchi: Typing Namida Hashi
Ashita no Joe: Masseki ni Moe Agare!
Ashita no Joe: Masshiro ni Moe Tsukiro!
Asmik-Kun Land
Asmik-kun World 2
Asoberu Eigo: Word Magic DS
Asobi ni Iku yo! Chikyuu Pinchi no Konyaku Sengen
Ason de Chinou Up
Ason de Wakaru - The Party Casino
Asonde Aiueo
Asonde Igo ga Sara ni Tsuyokunaru: Ginsei Igo DS Chuukyuuhen
Asonde Igo ga Tsuyoku naru!! Ginsei Igo DS
Asonde Kazu Suuji
Asonde Shogi ga Kyoukunaru! Kane Hoshi Shogi DX
Asonde Shogi ga Tsuyoku naru!! Ginsei Shogi DS
Asphalt 3D
Asphalt: Injection
Asphalt: Urban GT
Asphalt: Urban GT 2
Aspic: Mahebiou no Noroi
Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed Anthology
Assassin's Creed Chronicles
Assassin's Creed Double Pack
Assassin's Creed II
Assassin's Creed II: Complete Edition
Assassin's Creed II: Discovery
Assassin's Creed III
Assassin's Creed III: Liberation
Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
Assassin's Creed IV: Jackdaw Edition
Assassin's Creed Origins
Assassin's Creed Rogue
Assassin's Creed Syndicate
Assassin's Creed Unity
Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles
Assassin's Creed: Bloodlines
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood - The Da Vinci Edition
Assassin's Creed: Connor Saga
Assassin's Creed: Ezio Saga
Assassin's Creed: Ezio Trilogy
Assassin's Creed: Heritage Collection
Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Assassin's Creed: Revelations - Ottoman Edition
Assassin's Creed: The Americas Collection
Assassin's Creed: The Ezio Collection
Assault
Assault City
Assault Rigs
Assault Suit Leynos
Assault Suit Leynos 2
Assault Suits Valken
Assault Suits Valken 2
Assault: Retribution
Assetto Corsa
Astal
Astebreed
Asterix
Asterix & Obelix
Asterix & Obelix Contre Cesar
Asterix & Obelix Take on Caesar
Asterix & Obelix XXL
Asterix & Obelix XXL 2: Mission: Wifix
Asterix & Obelix XXL2: Mission: Las Vegum
Asterix & Obelix: Kick Buttix
Asterix & Obelix: Paf! Par Toutatis!
Asterix Brain Trainer
Asterix and the Great Rescue
Asterix and the Power of the Gods
Asterix and the Secret Mission
Asterix at the Olympic Games
Asterix: Auf Der Suche Nach Idefix
Asterix: Mega Madness
Asterix: The Mansions of the Gods
Asterix: These Romans Are Crazy!
Asteroid Fire
Asteroids
Asteroids Hyper 64
Astonishia Story
Astra Superstars
Astral Bout
AstralAir no Shiroki Eien: White Eternity
Astro Boy
Astro Boy: Omega Factor
Astro Boy: The Video Game
Astro Chase
Astro Fang: Super Machine
Astro Invaders
Astro Kyuudan: Kessen!! Victory Kyuudanhen
Astro Rabby
Astro Robo Sasa
Astro Warrior
Astro Warrior & Pit Pot
Astroblast
Astrology
Astrology DS: The Stars In Your Hands
Astronoka
Astrosmash
Astyanax
Asuka 120% Excellent: Burning Fest. Excellent
Asuka 120% Final: Burning Fest. Final
Asuka 120% Limited: Burning Fest. Limited
Asuka 120% Maxima: Burning Fest. Maxima
Asuka 120% Special: Burning Fest Special
Asuncia: Matsue no Jubaku
Asura's Wrath
Atama de Do! Kotenko Kotenko
Atama ga Yoku Naru - The Me no Training
Atama no Kaiten no Training: Rubik's Cube & Chou Yuumei Puzzle Tachi
Atama o Kitaete Asobu Taisen Yajirushi Puzzle: Puppyinu Vector One
Atari Anniversary Advance
Atari Anniversary Edition
Atari Anniversary Edition Redux
Atari Anthology
Atari Classics Evolved
Atari Flashback Classics: Volume 1
Atari Flashback Classics: Volume 2
Atari Greatest Hits Volume 1
Atari Greatest Hits Volume 2
Atari Karts
Atari Masterpieces Vol. I
Atari Masterpieces Vol. II
Atari Video Cube
Atelier Annie: Alchemists of Sera Island
Atelier Ayesha Plus: The Alchemist of Dusk
Atelier Ayesha: The Alchemist of Dusk
Atelier Escha & Logy Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky
Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky
Atelier Firis: The Alchemist and the Mysterious Journey
Atelier Iris 2: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris 3: Grand Phantasm
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Lydie & Suelle: The Alchemists and the Mysterious Paintings
Atelier Marie + Elie
Atelier Meruru Plus: The Apprentice of Arland
Atelier Meruru: The Apprentice of Arland
Atelier Rorona Plus: The Alchemist of Arland
Atelier Rorona: The Alchemist of Arland
Atelier Shallie Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea
Atelier Shallie: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea
Atelier Sophie: The Alchemist of the Mysterious Book
Atelier Totori Plus: The Adventurer of Arland
Atelier Totori: The Adventurer of Arland
Athena
Athena no Kateiban: Family Game
Athena ~Awakening from the ordinary life~
Athens 2004
Athletic World
Atlantic Quest
Atlantis
Atlantis III: The New World
Atlantis no Nazo
Atlantis: The Lost Continent
Atlantis: The Lost Tales
Atom Smasher
Atomic Betty
Atomic Punk
Atomic Robo-Kid
Atomic Robo-Kid Special
Atomic Runner
Atrevete a Sonar
Atsumare! GuruGuru Onsen
Atsumare! GuruGuru Onsen BB
Atsumare! Power Pro Kun no DS Koushien
Attack Animal Gakuen
Attack of the Killer Demos
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Attack of the Movies 3D
Attack of the Mutant Penguins
Attack of the Saucerman!
Attack of the Timelord!
Attack on Titan
Attack on Titan: Humanity in Chains
AubirdForce
AubirdForce After
Audio Hero
Aura Battler Dunbine
Aurora Quest: Otaku no Seiza in Another World
Austin Mini Racing
Austin Powers Pinball
Austin Powers: Oh, Behave!
Austin Powers: Welcome to my Underground Lair!
Australian Rugby League
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Auto Destruct
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Autobahn Raser IV
Autobahn Raser: Das Spiel zum Film
Automobili Lamborghini
Avalon Code
Avatar - The Last Airbender: Into the Inferno
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Burning Earth
Aven Colony
Avenger
Avenging Spirit
Away: Shuffle Dungeon
Awesome Golf
Awesome Possum
Awesomenauts Assemble!
Ax Battler: A Legend of Golden Axe
Axelay
Axiom Verge
Ayaka Shibito
Ayaka Shibito Portable
Ayakashi Gohan: Oomori!
Ayakashi Ninden Kunoichiban
Ayakashi Ninden Kunoichiban Plus
Ayakashi no Shiro
Ayakashibito
Ayakashibito Portable
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel 2
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel Special
Ayrton Senna Personal Talk: Message for the Future

Ramtidings, dear friends! It is I, your dutiful lord and master, the eternal GM. My sabbatical proved most fruitful, having figured out some depth mechanics for 3 dimensional combat in my pet project, Blood & Thunder, a maritime piracy RPG that has been both a joy and a nerve-wracking nightmare to create. If you want to see what's going on with that, you can swing by patreon.com/BlackFlagPrintingPress to take a look or support my endeavors. But I digress, because I did not come here today to talk about Blood & Thunder, no. I came here with something else in mind, good friends, for while I have been writing my bread and butter, you have gone without your beard and butter, and this is unacceptable! And so, I have trawled the depths of my memory to bring you yet another TAAAAAALE FROM THE TABLETOP, lovingly subtitled A Prologue Into Poverty.
Life is not an easy thing. There was a time when life was very difficult for me. I had far less than most, and I went without frequently, my entire life loaded into a backpack of bare necessities. Joys were few and times were hard, but I made the best of it. I traveled the countryside, mostly alone, making friends where I could amongst the other forgotten souls who haunt the streets of the United States. I met a good number of people, many of them listless drifters in their own right, who became fast friends. We would hang out for a time, but like all drifters, we would eventually part ways, called to different places to do different things. I had just come from North Carolina. I had been in Asheville, playing bluegrass to make money with friends who eventually proved dishonest, and so I parted ways with them. While in Asheville, I had met a girl, also on the road like myself, and I developed a massive crush on her. Fortune would have it that our time together was short lived, as she disappeared on a freighter down the train tracks, and I layed curled up in a bush sick as a dog for the next 3 days.
You can't get a ride from a freighter with 8 people without getting pulled off by johnny law. Our group had fractured, and myself and one other soul continued on our own, until we parted ways in Atlanta. Now, on my own, clueless and green, I wandered aimlessly, until a friend of mine at the time reached out to me by way of the internet. He had work for me, back in California, if I could just make it there. What's 3000 miles? I've got this. I walked out of Atlanta, hitched a series of rides to Arkansas, and then caught a freighter myself, all the way back to the west coast while UP did the driving. I laid on the back of that train for 3 days until I finally ran out of water and decided to get off. I was in Los Angeles. After a bit of panhandling, I got a bus into the central valley, and my friend came and scooped me up. I worked on my friends farm for a bit, building green houses and stacking money until the time came for me to once again depart. During that time, my crush from North Carolina had found me on Facebook. We got to talking.
She told me she had gone back home to Wisconsin and was working in some greasy spoon trying to save up money to afford a bus. She'd been back for awhile now, but wasn't making any headway. Her vices were getting the best of her, and she couldn't seem to get ahead. I told her she needed to knock that shit off and clean up her act. After a long enough time talking, however, things started to get flirty and dirty.
I wanted to see her, and it's actually amazing what a guy will do for love. You're how far away? Piece of cake. Hold my beer. With the work season coming to a close, I took my pay and my leave of my old friend, and he dropped me off in Modesto at the Greyhound. On the way out, he loaded me up with gifts for my travels - a new backpack, socks, a sleeping bag, some snacks for the ride... and naturally, he gave me a gift that I always treasure. He gave me a set of RPG dice. I gave my boy a hug, wished him well in his endeavors, and promised I'd be back in the fall to help him with the harvest and gathering firewood. So I went on my merry way.
I absolutely despise Greyhounds. Have you ever been on one? It's miserable. There's no room to stretch out unless you sit in the back, right by the toilet. Some asshole is always blaring garbage mumble rap on his phone all day long. It doesn't matter who you are - at the end of the trip you exude the pungent aroma of a neckbeard. This didn't bother me too much - personal hygiene suffers when you have no way to bathe regularly, so I was used to being dirty, and my friends from the road were usually very dirty people in their own right at the time, so I could handle a certain degree of grossness... within limits. I did shower at my friend's farm before I boarded that bus, though, and was feeling rather spiffy - clean body, clean clothes. Life was good and I was on my way to see my woman.
I did my best to zone out. I tried to sleep as much as I could and ignore the general atmosphere of the bus, but that was no longer an option after a layover in Las Vegas. We boarded the bus once more after an almost 24 hour delay on our schedules, and finally got moving again. I sat in the back near the toilet, as I was no stranger to this game and wanted that bench seat, and foul smells at the time didn't bother me much... or so I thought. With the bus filling up and the seats reducing to slim pickings, it dawned on me that my coveted back seat bench was going to get shared. Then, I saw him... the Busbeard.
I'm usually a pretty nice person, but I did not want my coveted backseat benchseat getting taken up, let alone by this massive lardass that now lumbered towards me. I did everything in my power to seem as big and hostile as I could. This was all in vain, however, as some people cannot read social cues. I stared at him, dripping hostility, mentally repeating sit somewhere else like it was a Zen mantra. However, nobody wanted him to sit by them either, and so, he made his way, closer and closer, as he asked people if seats were taken until he got to me at the back. He shifted to sit into the seat, angling his ass in the general direction of my face. The smell of soggy feces-laden underwear wafted up as he slid his bulk onto the bench.
Did I mention that personal hygiene suffers on a greyhound bus ride, especially when you've been riding for days? I've taken my fair share of Greyhounds, and it's unlikely that this new arrival had been riding for awhile. He was eastbound, like the rest of us, and we were in Las Vegas. His point of origin was... not very far east. I had only been on the bus for approximately a day so far, minus the extended layover time of course, so I was getting a ittle sweaty myself, but this guy smelled as if he not only lived on this bus, but was born in the blue poop goop of the latrine. It was a question worthy of debate as to whether this man had actually employed the use of a speed stick in his life. His patchy jowels jiggled at me as he said, hi.
I responded with a gruff and monotone hello, and then turned my attentions to the window, watching the bus depot workers loading up suitcases beneath. My fate was sealed. This man was to be my travel companion all the way to Denver. I decided then that maybe it would be best to ignore him. I plugged in my phone, booted up an emulator I had downloaded, and started to play some Pokemon to whittle away the hours. It didn't take long, however, before I could feel his olfactory looming become physical looming as he examined the screen upon which I played from over my shoulder.
Busbeard: Pokemon? I fucking love Pokemon! I didn't know you could play it on a phone. How are you doing that?
His heavy respirations were like an infusion of green spearmint and halitosis.
GM: Emulators.
I went back to my game, trying to angle myself away from him in such a way that he couldn't lean over my shoulder and watch me as I trained my team, but I was effectively sandwiched between him and the wall, forced to sit straight as he leaned over and watched me play. I debated then, what I ought to do. Playing Pokemon would make the time fly, but I would be crushed between the window and a sweaty fat man. Not playing Pokemon would save me the physical agony of being squished, but I would be painfully bored for seemingly endless miles, and he may use it as an opportunity to interact further. A decision needed to be made.
I shut the emulator off and put away my phone, turning my attention back out the window as the bus pulled out of the Las Vegas terminal and began down the freeway. It was not long after we had pulled out of the station, however, when that wheezing, rasping voice chirped up again.
Busbeard: So where are you going?
I ignored him, focusing on the casinos towering in the distance of the skyline, pretending as if I hadn't heard the question, or as if it weren't addressed at me. With insistance, he repeated his question at my turned back again, searching for a response within my stony exterior. I mumbled, the Midwest, and he questioningly grunted, and asked me to repeat myself. I guess we're doing this.
GM: I'm going to the Midwest.
Busbeard: Where in the Midwest?
GM: Wisconsin.
Busbeard: I've never been to Wisconsin before, but I know they got really good cheese! Hyuk hyuk... Is that why you're going there?
Judging by his smell, he must have been an excessively avid connosieur of fine Wisconsinite cheese. However, cheese was the last thing on my mind at the time.I was enamored with my lady love.
GM: I'm going to see an old friend.
Busbeard: Oh, that's cool... who is it?
The odds of this man knowing the person who I was on my way to visit were astronomically low. Your odds of getting struck by lightning, winning the lottery, and becoming president in the same day were probably higher than this cretin knowing the one specific person whom I was going to go visit in some backwater Wisconsin town. Still, I humored him, and in the same flat voice, answered his question, and told him I was on my way to see my sweetheart.
This caught Busbeard's attention. For a grown man in his mid 30s, he let out a loud "oooooooo" like a middle schooler would when he finds out his friend has a crush. I contemplated execution methods and the subjective severity of their barbarism as he excitedly asked me where she was from.
GM: Wisconsin.
Busbeard: Yeah... but, where in Wiconsin?
GM: Fuck off, dude. I'm not going to tell you the town where she lives.
Busbeard: Heh! I'd be terrified of telling a superior male like me where my girlfriend lives, too. A little kid like you wouldn't stand a chance next to a man like me. Her panties would hit the floor from one whiff of my pheromones. It happens all the time, bro, I swear. I could have any woman on this bus. They just can't resist me. They can sense my manhood, I know it.
I shouldn't stir the pot. All common sense tells me that I should just stop myself while I'm ahead, but sometimes... sometimes I just can't help myself. I've always been a pretty reserved and self-contained person for the most part, and I just want to be left alone 90% of the time to do my thing. Apparently, that's a lot to ask, because every now and then, somebody comes and invades my personal space with their protruding belly, bad breath, and self-aggrandizement, and then I find it really hard to resist my inclination to fuck with them. I know, I know, it's wrong of me to do that, but I'm human, damnit, and something good was cooking in the kitchen. What's the harm in dipping a spoon into this self-important concoction of body odor and bravado?
GM: Any woman, huh? Tell ya what, Busbeard, I just got paid, and you seem really confident in the power of your, ahhhhh, pheromones, so... how about a wager.
I laid out the terms of my devil's bargain. With a wager of 100 dollars, I would pick a lady on the bus at the next break. Busbeard would then have to seduce her. He MUST "present" his pheromones to her, naturally. If he recovered her phone number, or anything in excess thereof, like a kiss or a consensual toilet stall consummation, it would suffice to meet my criteria and loose my grasp from the freshly printed Franklin in my wallet. He agreed enthusiastically to my terms, insisting I was going to loose and he was going to get his dick sucked in a Greyhound portajohn "blumpkin style".
We rode along in silence for the next hour or so. The sun was high in the sky when we made our next stop at some gas station in Utah, and everyone filed off the bus to stretch their legs and get their snacks. I wandered around, huffing down my smoke, chatting it up with people and making friends, seeing just who they were, asking them questions - where they were going, who they were going there with. I got to talking with one guy and his girlfriend.
The guy, who we will call Sarge, was built like a brick shithouse and was a former infantry man who served 2 tours of duty in the middle east. He was traveling with his wife, a young and pretty little thing who we will call Alexandra. They were on their way back to the east coast to stay with family. Alexandra's mom was getting old and had asked them to move in to help take care of her. They were on their way out there to steward her aging mother's estate. I remarked that that was awfully kind of them, and sincerely wished them the best on taking care of Alexandra's aging mom. I told them a little bit about myself, as well... that I was effectively living on the road, playing life by ear, and on the way to see a loved one of mine for a bit before the wind blew me somewhere else.
Eventually, the bus driver gave everyone a 5 minute warning before departure, and we all filed on board. I moved back to my seat and waited for Busbeard to arrive. He came back, cradling piles of gas station sandwiches, bags of chips, and a couple of sodas in his massive paws. He sat down beside me with a loud "oof" and offered me a drink, saying that it's the least he could do before he took my money. I took that beverage. It was both cold and delicious.
GM: Well, Busbeard, I've done my rounds, and I've come to a decision.
Busbeard: Who is it? She better be hot. I swear to God, if you make me waste my time on some dried up roastie, I'm gonna be so fucking pissed at you dude.
GM: Why would I do that dude? Naturally, I only want the best for you. No, she's very pretty. You see that girl over there, in the aisle seat? That's the one. Make your move whenever you're ready.
I pointed out Alexandra to him. I already knew this was going to end very poorly. There was no way in Hell that Alexandra would express any interest in this disgusting lardass whatsoever when she had a stable and solid man like Sarge, and Sarge wasn't about to take guff from anyone. Add on to it that Sarge was easily the size of, if not bigger than, the prodigious Busbeard himself. Sarge was also trained to kill and hardened by years of combat in the graveyard of empires. I can fight - I've fought a lot - and I would not want to square up against him under any circumstances. Busbeard was going to get the snot beat out of him and pay me 100 dollars for that privilege.
The bus took off and I listened to the disgusting sounds of Busbeard inhaling the equivalent of 5 pounds of gas station food. I was only halfway through my soda, when Busbeard emitted a satisfied belch that rumbled the seats, and the feeding frenzy had ended in an effervesence of curdling bile and preservatives just as fast as it had begun. He then started to pump himself up for the task at hand. He started to sweat with excitement and latent cardiac arrest as he prepared his pheromonal aura about himself, and then with a gruff, alright, let's do this, he stood up from his seat and waddled down the aisle, his greasy belly bumping into everybody who had chosen an aisle seat.
He approached Alexandra. They were near the front end of the bus, and so I couldn't hear a word that they were saying. I watched Busbeard as he extended an arm and held on to the overhead luggage rack, exposing the damp miasma of corn-syrup infused armpit sweat to his unsuspecting victim. His pheromones were beginning to work their magic over the unsuspecting Alexandra who would soon be enraptured by its juicy spell. I waited, leaning forward intently, when a loud shout broke the silence.
Sarge: BACK THE FUCK UP.
Alexandra started to shout, too, yelling "get the fuck away from me!"
The driver turned back and yelled for everyone to sit down and shut the hell up or he would pull the bus over.
Sarge: Please do! I'm gonna beat this fucking lardass into the pavement! Saying shit like that to my wife? Who the fuck do you think you are?
The bus driver repeated his warning, and Busbeard began to shout his protests, insisting upon his innocence.
Busbeard: B-but, I was put up to it! It was that guy, in the back seat! He said---
He pointed back at me. I yelled back, I don't fucking know that guy.
The bus driver meant his threat, and pulled the bus over. We were on a long and empty stretch on the I-15 somewhere in rural Utah. The last town I had seen was about 20 miles back. It was late spring, and it was getting hot outside that afternoon. The bus driver got out of his seat, walked up to Busbeard, and told him to get the Hell off of his bus. Busbeard kept protesting, when Sarge moved past his wife, and started forcing Busbeard towards the front door.
I've heard the threat of getting kicked off maybe a thousand times on a Greyhound, but I had never seen it play out before. Busbeard was thrown off the bus. Sarge did not join him outside and pummel him into the asphalt, regrettably, as I would have loved to have watched it. Busbeard kept pleading with the bus driver as the driver shut the door on him, sealing him out on the shoulder of a lonely stretch of highway. I breathed a sigh of relief, and stretched out my legs. It was another 15 miles before we saw signs of civilization. A part of me felt bad for Busbeard, but the other part of me said, "if I can walk 20 miles in a day with 60 lbs of shit on my back, he can do an unencumbered 15 and be fine."
The ride continued on in sweet, reclined silence for me until we reached Denver, werein there was another changeover, and this bus was much, much more desolate. The rest of the Greyhound voyage passed without incident, and I spent my time flirting with my lady love and training some Pokemons. At long last, I finally arrived in Wisconsin. She came to pick me up at the bus station, and when we approached each other, we made out like long lost lovers for a good 5 minutes before we finally caught our breath enough to say hello. I got in her car, and spent maybe a week or so with her, before it was time to take my leave. I couldn't live there forever, and so, as fast as I had drifted into her life, once again, it was time for me to disappear. We said goodbye, and she dropped me off at a lonely interstate overpass on the edge of town. I put my thumb out to catch a ride to Anywhere But Here USA.
I planned my next move, and I figured that there were some friends of hers and mine that lived not too far away in the Dakotas, and maybe I would pay them a visit next. I was in the neighborhood, and figured that I might as well say hello. I reached out to them online, and then made my way west again. They were excited for me to come see them. It was only a day into the voyage when I received a message from Janet. It said, "wait for me, I'm catching up." She had packed her backpack again, and was coming after me, hot on my tail. I told her we could meet up at our mutual friend's house.
I dialed ahead to our friends, who we shall call Sarah and Queenie. Sarah used to travel together with Janet for many months before she stabilized, and then settled down. Queenie was one of my friends from North Carolina. He was a loveable chucklefuck of a drifter, missing a few teeth, wore a skirt, and spoke in the most haggard voice you could imagine. Still... he insisted on being called Queenie. He had settled down with Sarah after they hooked up, and they were living at Sarah's house. He was on thin ice there, however, and she was threatening to kick him out.
I arrived at Sarah's and Queenie's, and spent the next few days waiting for Janet to come up on my heels. During that time, Queenie and I played a lot of Magic (he had just gotten into it), and I remembered the dice that my friend in California had given me that were laying unusued in my backpack. I asked him if he had ever played tabletop RPG's before, to which he answered no. I told him that, maybe next time I see him and I'm in a better spot, we could run a game. Eventually Janet caught up, and we prepared to leave Sarah's for good towards our own new horizons. Queenie, however, had finally broken through the thin ice upon which he skated, and was getting thrown out. On the day of our departure, we asked him if he wanted to join us in our travels so he wouldn't have to go it alone.
Thus we began from Sarah's house out into the unknown once again, a cheerful trio, and true to my word, I began to teach not only Queenie, but Janet as well, the joys of tabletop RPGs.
As I'm sure you can surmise, dear friends, that this is not the end of our story, but only the beginning of another chapter. Is Busbeard still alive? What does the future hold for Ramtide's love life? How do a gaggle of vagabond drifters play tabetop games without a table? Some of these questions will be answered, my dear friends, in our next installment of TAAAAAALES FROM THE TABLETOP.
A shoutout to my lovely patrons, Tatoferret and Sillibits. You guys are wonderful. Thank you for believing in the dream.

“...and walk away with a trip to beautiful Las Vegas Nevada! Enjoy a complimentary 5 day 4 night stay at any MGM casino resort all on us! No nonsense, no gimmicks. Just a bit of your precious time! Call today!”
Yes. A vacation extravaganza all on the arm. Courtesy of the Hibou Timeshare Corporation. All it cost was your time and cooperation for a timeshare presentation. Simple enough yes? I wish I would have realized how much better a couple of overtimes would have served me, than taking myself to that horrid building.
I was living in Phoenix AZ with my parents. Still half way bullshitting my final semester at college. I’ve got to be honest, I was checked out. It was summer..I was going to graduate and I had these final two classes in the bag. I could have failed my finals and still walked out with a C. Yes but that kind of luxury came at a price. My social life was the casualty in all of this. While I did have a tight knit of pals, my attendance to social gatherings were...well..less than punctual. I was usually doing work for one of my advanced classes. If not that, then I was pulling a shift at either of my jobs. Yeah..you could say I gave up the glamour of late night pizzas, puking in my friends car and hooking up with a random ASU frat sluts for a heavier wallet...except I was paying everything out of my own pocket. My gas, insurance, cell, college. I wasn't exactly hiding cash in the walls. My parents worked hard but..never did make a living to give me and my siblings an extravagant lifestyle. We were grateful though.
So when I heard that AD of how I could get a long needed vacation to party central Las Vegas, all for watching some BS timeshare I knew I wasn’t going to buy into, you bet your ass off I made that call. The phone only rang once before I got an answer,
“Thank you for calling the Hibou Timeshare Corporation, how can we help you?” a voice rang through the phone. The voice sounded shrill and sickly.
“Hi, I'm calling about the vacation in Vegas? Says that you need people for a presen..”
“Yeessss.” the voice interrupted “The timeshare presentation, well...we would be so honored to have you”
“Uhh..yeah...anyway I’d like to sign up? Is there a form online or do you take the information here?” I said..now feeling a bit tense.
“Well I'll tell you what...pack your things for the vacation. When we are finished presenting..we can send you on our way to Vegas. We just need..a bit of your time.”
That was that. He gave me the address, date and time of the meeting. The area was in a place called Amargosa Valley in Nevada. Luckily it was just about an hour away from Vegas. Before we parted ways on the phone, the operator said something...he said something that should have been a MAJOR red flag.
“Okay then, you’re all set...we will see you July 28th at 4:30pm. Not a moment later” he laughed
“Oh..and..one more thing, if you have some more specimens like yourself that might be interested in the free vacation...bring them along. They’ll all receive the same prize and you will receive $100 cash for every person you bring. We look forward to presenting you, Austin. Good day.”
I never gave him my name.
Still, my young dumb brain didn’t hear anything past $100 dollars. So I rounded up a few of my best pals and we were set to meet the reps over at the timeshare. The days leading up to the trip I couldn't get a hold of myself. It was so exciting. My first real vacation in...i couldn't remember how long. I longed for this type of adventure with my friends. We packed a truck full and set off to Amargosa Valley.
I brought Luke, Larry and Adam. We’d been friends since the 3rd grade. We all moved to AZ from different parts of the country that summer, so being new kids we naturally ganged up together. Luke was from Texas..we called him Tex. Real big guy. Loved to work out but definitely was a bit of a boozebag. Larry was from Ohio. Quiet in public but probably the loudest of us all. Always had some political conspiracy to talk about. Then Adam..Adam was interesting. He was from Florida...or Georgia...or Nebraska. Adam never could keep it straight about where he was from. He always had some sort of story and backtrack about where he’d come from. I personally thought he was probably from another part of AZ and just wanted to fit in...so we humor him and let him be the nomad of our group. I myself was originally from California...things got pricey so we made the move to blistering AZ.
That was my crew. No matter how long it had been, we were always as tight as ever. The ride was filled with laughing and gags. Stops at fast food joints and all around bullshitting. Yes it was an amazing time just driving there, we couldn't wait to get on with the meeting and head down to Boozeville USA. As we approached our destination...something felt off. Amargosa Valley had been a bit of a ghost town the whole drive. A gas station here. A small outlet there...but otherwise unpopulated. When we hit our destination we were met by a Chrome building. Smack center in the middle of the highway. As we parked at the only stall..we all took a look at each other.
“Well this is...odd.” Luke said plainly.
“Yeah man...are we really going there?” Adam shook out. Barely containing his fear.
“Look guys, I know it looks weird. This place is really clean and bright in the middle of a dusty desert but c’mon. It's like what...an hour of our time? Within 2 hours we’ll be on our way to the dopest guys trip ever.” I said...selfishly.
The guys all agreed. We got out, locked the car up and walked in through the sliding glass doors. The cool air hit us like a wave. Each of us breathing in the refreshingly cold air. The inside of this lobby..was also immaculate. Chrome everywhere. Right down to the sofas and chairs. A woman came from around the front desk.
“You must be here to be presented. I see you brought more specimens! What a joy! Will you gentlemen please follow me?” She said.
Specimens. Ugh. Her tone. That word still makes me shutter.
Me and the boys looked at each other..all with the same should we do it look on our faces. Maybe it was the cold air enticing our sweaty brows. We’d been a poorly AC’D truck for a couple hours. Or maybe it was the ice cold drinks she presented in front of us. Whatever the case we followed her through a door behind the front desk and were met with a grand auditorium. It looked as if it could hold maybe 50 people. And all they had was me and my knucklehead friends. As we sat down, sucking down sodas and waters, a mans voice came over the intercom.
“Welcome my friends to the Hibou Timeshare Corporation presentation. Today you will be examining the lifetime of these vessels. Determine whether or not you think they are a smart investment and make a choice if you would like to partake!” I recognized the voice. It was the same shrill tone that I set up the appointment with.
“Now my dear friends, it's time to sit back with your favorite drink...and listen..”
With that, a large projector screen came down from the celine. An old timey countdown began winding down.
BEEP3...BEEP2...BEEP1
From what I can remember, I heard the screams of something...unnatural. A scream so high tone that I felt as if my ears would burst with blood. I tried clasping my hands over my ears but to no avail. The screams were too overpowering. As soon as it started, I passed out.
I awoke looking at the lights on the celine. Unable to sit up. I could tell I was bareass naked on a metal table. I moved my head, the little that i could to see Adam next to me on another table. Naked as the day we were born. He was encased in what looked like a light purple energy field. Looking more in depth, I too had this field in front of me. Before I could speak the tables raised up. Bringing me upright. Bringing me face to face with Tex. To the left of me..Larry. “My friends, I present to you: Terramite 99-0 specimens.” a voice rang out. The same voice from the auditorium.
“They are..of the male species. Strong. Cunning and above all loyal...if raised properly.”
“HEY, you bastards. WTF is this! LET US GO!” Tex cried out. Before he could continue, the energy field tightened around him. Tex let out a scream that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The smell of burned flesh and hair filled the area. I would have puked had the horror of seeing my best friend being burned alive wasn't keeping my attention away from the smell. When the field lifted, Tex was stripped down to the muscle fibers. Hair burned down to the scalp. Tex convulsed until he finally relaxed into a hanging position on the table.
“Now see..specimen is now sedated. Reduced to a weaker position. With the energy field keeping him contained and the Auto-Reversal Time Warp engaging, we can have this specimen back into working shape immediately.”
There was an electrical hum in the air. As before my eyes, Tex’s skin began to heal. His hair growing back. And all burns subsiding. It was as if nothing had happened to him. He still hung in limbo, but we could see the breath return to his chest.The rest of us let out bits of gasps of horror and astonishment.
I could see Adam crying a bit in the corner of my eyes.
A figure appeared from behind me. A tentacle graced my shoulder, not even phased by the force field. I caught sight of the creature. It stood around 7foot tall. Skin that looked human but a head that was elongated. No nose. And eyes that were black as coal. It had two tentacles for hands. I could not see its feet, as it was covered by a long gown.
Larry screamed in anger. “Your...your...a...a…” he managed to get out before the creature silenced him.
“Shhhh….I am...a salesman is all. Now my friends I will demonstrate the life cycle of the Terramite 99-0’s.”
With that, Larry's forcefield began to hum. Right before my eyes Larry began to get...smaller. Not in stature necessarily, no, but in age. He went from being a young man..to a teenager..to that kid i met in 3rd grade..to an infant. His cries were extremely loud. Unaware of the horrors around him. At that moment I could hear Adam's field begin to hum.
“Please no! Please!” Adam begged.
“If you will direct your attention to our third pod:”
Adam then began to scream as he went from a young man..to middle aged man...to retirement age and finally...to a decrepit old man. Hair as white as snow. Wrinkled beyond recognition. Each breath looking to nearly be his last.
“From birth to the declining ages of 70 and beyond the Auto-Reversal Time Warp pods are the perfect tool to use when training your armys, your children, your slaves. Imagine...never having to replace workers. Never worrying if your training methods or punishments might go too far. Never losing a prisoner to death. And though the Terramites look to be difficult to control, I can guarantee their cooperation once put through the proper training.” The creature said. Full of glee in his dead eyes.
Between the crying of baby larry and incoherent babbling of old man adam, the room felt like it was spinning. Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger, the rest of the lights came to life. The room we were in were surrounded by seats, similar to the ones we sat in. However, sitting in these seats were ghastly creatures of different varieties. Some looked like the salesman creature. Others were ogreish. Large bodied creatures covered in a film of slime. Some of them even looked human. It was the eyes though...their eyes were a teal color with white pupils. Many many creatures looked up me and my friends. All of them began clapping their hands and cheering in unison. The claps were deafening. The cries of the baby felt as if a baseball bat was ramming my head. Adams babbling was terrifyingly disturbing. And Tex...hanging there. Eyes rolled back into his skull. I couldnt imagine the hell he began to feel. At this point I wondered what awaited my fate. The clapping stopped abruptly.
“Oh...Austin...yes, well if you want to know what fate awaits you just shut your eyes. Shut your eyes and quietly count back from 3.” the creature said...was he reading my mind?
Suddenly the urge to close my eyes overtook me. Almost as if I had no choice, I began counting down. 3….2….1….
Everything went black. I wasn't sure if i was alive or dead...or somewhere in between. I saw nothing but black for what felt like a lifetime. And in an instant...I heard that same shrill scream. Only this time I could not cover my ears. I couldn’t feel my body but I felt an unimaginable amount of pain. As the scream grew to its peak, I slammed my eyes open. Trying to catch my breath.
I was back in the car...we were all back in the car. The engine was on. Shitty ac blasting. The others were still out. I sat up in my seat. Not wanting to move too suddenly. The sun was beating down on us. I looked over at the time on the dash…July 28th 4:34 pm. I reached into my shirt pocket and I found several vouchers for the MGM hotels in Vegas along with $300 dollars. I also found a card that simply read “Hibou Timeshare Corp. would like to thank you for a bit of your time”
The boys came too. All feeling rather groggy.
“We all fell asleep huh?” Adam laughed. “We here?”
They didn't remember a thing. Not one thing. Not going in...not the reception area...not the freaky timeshare presentation...not one bit. I lied...i told them that while they were sound asleep, we arrived a little earlier than expected. The presenter had an emergency and left our vouchers at the front desk and apologized profusely.
“Wow, what a gentleman!” Tex laughed. “We definitely owe it to him to sit through another timeshare, probono.” Larry added.
I think it's safe to say that I will not be returning to this or any other timeshare. As I drove away I could see the building disappear in the rear view mirror.
So if you’re traveling deep within the southwest of the United States and hear an ad for a free vacation that's too good to be true...do yourself a favor..turn off the radio, call into work and ask for some overtime..because nothing is ever given for free.

worldnews

• ZZerker

Angela Merkel: Trump shares blame for US Capitol storming
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• Spiderbling

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern: Democracy "should never be undone by a mob"
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• lurker_bee

Mexican president offers to vaccinate unlawful migrants in U.S.
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news

• douglasmacarthur

Congress has certified the 270 Electoral College votes needed to confirm Joe Biden's presidential election win.
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• mikkeman

Warnock, Ossoff win in Georgia, handing Dems Senate control
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• michuru809

Police remove barriers to mob storming US capitol, taking selfies
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science

• mvea

Before the pandemic, one-third of US households with children were already “net worth poor,” lacking enough financial resources to sustain their families for 3 months at a poverty level. Their savings are virtually nil, and they have no financial cushion to provide the basics for their children.
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• mvea

US politicians who engage in “negative partisanship”, referring to hostile, nonsubstantive rhetoric about an opposing party or statements emphasizing defeats of partisan opponents, are not rewarded with higher evaluations from citizens. Voters don’t want representation focused around polarization.
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• mvea

For young adults in the 18–24-year-old age group, pornography was the most commonly endorsed helpful source about how to have sex, as compared to other possible options such as sexual partners, friends, media, and health care professionals. This was more likely for males and heterosexuals.
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space

• MaryADraper

NASA wants to deorbit the International Space Station before the end of this decade. Axiom plans to replace the International Space Station and potentially save NASA billions per year.
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Galaxy-Size Bubbles Discovered Towering Over the Milky Way. For decades, astronomers debated whether a particular smudge was close-by and small, or distant and huge. A new X-ray map supports the massive option.
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Earth is whipping around quicker than it has in a half-century
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Futurology

• izumi3682

‘Incredible’ gene-editing result in mice inspires plans to treat premature-aging syndrome (Progeria) in children
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New Atlas: New catalyst converts common plastic waste into fuels (77%) and wax (15%)
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U.S. law sets stage for boost to artificial intelligence research
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AskReddit

• Gnerdy

Couples therapists, without breaking confidentiality, what are some relationships that instantly set off red flags, and do you try and get them to work out?
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• jjgp1112

What were weird myths you thought about sex as a kid?
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• bekind888

What’s the greatest mental health tip you’ve gotten?
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todayilearned

• malalatargaryen

TIL in 2013, a 9 year-old British girl passed through Turkish customs with a toy passport with gold teddy bears on the front that identified her as a unicorn. Her mother accidentally handed over the passport that the girl had made for her toy unicorn, and the customs offіcer accepted and stamped it
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• SonOfQuora

TIL Ants sleep by taking about 250 one minute naps throughout their day. It totals just under 5 hours of sleep. This allows for 80% of their colony to be awake, working and prepared at any given moment.
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• bawledannephat

TIL Jerry Seinfeld is banned from the New York soup stall that he used for the basis of The Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld. Weeks after the episode aired, Seinfeld went in for lunch, and chef Al Yeganeh asked him to leave, unhappy with the moniker the show had given him.
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dataisbeautiful

• akrotz1234

[OC] Numerical Simulation of Traffic Jam Formation
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• visvis

[OC] types of alcoholic beverages consumed in terms of pure alcohol content by country, 2018
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• AtomicFrontier

[OC] By applying a collector's curve to large marine animals (>2m) I’ve determined that there are six sea monsters left to discover. Video explanation and sources in comments.
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Cooking

• Instrumedley2018

My cooking challenge of 2020 : ended up making 150 different recipes from 114 different countries.
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• OakTeach

I have plain vanilla ice cream in the freezer. What ice cream toppings can I make quickly out of ordinary ingredients?
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• ErrorSubstantial

Eggs-hate them but I want to like them
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food

• NightsWatch23

[Homemade] Brioche Doughnuts
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• cookinwithclint

[Homemade] Smoked Beef Back Ribs
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• Horatius__Cocles

My take on Tonkotsu Ramen with spicy umami bomb. [homemade]
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movies

• chanma50

New images of Dave Bautista and the cast of Zack Snyder's 'Army of the Dead' - A group of mercenaries plot a heist on a Las Vegas casino during a zombie outbreak.
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• chanma50

Ray Fisher’s Cyborg Written Out of ‘The Flash'; Role Won’t Be Recast
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• CircusSeal

Netflix’s next big science fiction movie is set to debut next week: Outside the Wire, a military science fiction thriller starring Damson Idris as a soldier assigned to assist a classified military robot (played by Anthony Mackie) in a war zone.
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Art

• trey_tallent

If I can't have her... , Adam the Creator, Digital, 2021
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• perfect_wonders

Trump-O-Matic, Mark Bryan, Oil on Canvas, 2016
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• speial

United Screams of America, Me, 2021
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television

• Justausername1234

Stephen Colbert's Live Monologue for Jan. 6, 2021
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• TheDreamIs0ver

Aziz Ansari's Master Of None to return. Season three to be shot in London
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• ArchDucky

WandaVision has been officially rated TV-PG
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pics

• ahvostin

How it started and how it ended
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• JunkInTheTrunk

Domestic Terrorism
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• Mellanchef

The Capitol police removes disabled people as they protest healthcare changes, in 2017.
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gifs

• JVCG

Police letting Trump rioters into Capitol
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• Superiluso

A relaxing bath for a stressful times
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• IchHuhn

BBQ
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educationalgifs

• mtimetraveller

A great white shark may grow and use 20,000+ teeth in its lifetime. Also, it has 5 rows of teeth at any given time & will never run out of teeth because if one is lost, another spins forward from a coil-like tooth reservoir of backup teeth in the jaw and spins forward to replace the old one.
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mildlyinteresting

• carbonbasedcat

This McDonalds hasn't been renovated since the 80's/90's.
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• LordofLoxley

Two toned deer I saw this morning
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• casualmatch

I found a cake vending machine
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interestingasfuck

• LambeauLeapt

During the four years of the Civil War, Ft. Stevens was the closest the confederates got to Washington. During the insurrection on the US Capitol building today, supporters of Donald Trump carried the confederate battle flag through the Capitol as they committed attempted sedition.
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• Inazumaryoku

The door to the dining area of the Alcobaça Monastery in Portugal was made narrow so that monks who got too fat were forced to go into fasting.
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Street artist Kevin Lee called his work "the invisibility of poverty".
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funny

• mamabird_2

My little sister bought accessories for her cat. This is the result. Thug Lyfe
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• butteredbuttbiscuit

Giddy up!
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• lolnein

How are we feeling today?
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aww

• ltbluepoetry

My mum made this for me!
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• Sajime

I present to you the best dance move the turtle shake
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• eblax

Kitten focusing on the important stuff
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Random Subreddit of the day: asexuality

These are its 3 top posts of all time:

• AceOfManyYears

I’m 62. It’s time.
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• frozenpandaman

this is so much better
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• softhungrygirl

Representation matters
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“...and walk away with a trip to beautiful Las Vegas Nevada! Enjoy a complimentary 5 day 4 night stay at any MGM casino resort all on us! No nonsense, no gimmicks. Just a bit of your precious time! Call today!”
Yes. A vacation extravaganza all on the arm. Courtesy of the Hibou Timeshare Corporation. All it cost was your time and cooperation for a timeshare presentation. Simple enough yes? I wish I would have realized how much better a couple of overtimes would have served me, than taking myself to that horrid building.
I was living in Phoenix AZ with my parents. Still half way bullshitting my final semester at college. I’ve got to be honest, I was checked out. It was summer..I was going to graduate and I had these final two classes in the bag. I could have failed my finals and still walked out with a C. Yes but that kind of luxury came at a price. My social life was the casualty in all of this. While I did have a tight knit of pals, my attendance to social gatherings were...well..less than punctual. I was usually doing work for one of my advanced classes. If not that, then I was pulling a shift at either of my jobs. Yeah..you could say I gave up the glamour of late night pizzas, puking in my friends car and hooking up with a random ASU frat sluts for a heavier wallet...except I was paying everything out of my own pocket. My gas, insurance, cell, college. I wasn't exactly hiding cash in the walls. My parents worked hard but..never did make a living to give me and my siblings an extravagant lifestyle. We were grateful though.
So when I heard that AD of how I could get a long needed vacation to party central Las Vegas, all for watching some BS timeshare I knew I wasn’t going to buy into, you bet your ass off I made that call. The phone only rang once before I got an answer,
“Thank you for calling the Hibou Timeshare Corporation, how can we help you?” a voice rang through the phone. The voice sounded shrill and sickly.
“Hi, I'm calling about the vacation in Vegas? Says that you need people for a presen..”
“Yeessss.” the voice interrupted “The timeshare presentation, well...we would be so honored to have you”
“Uhh..yeah...anyway I’d like to sign up? Is there a form online or do you take the information here?” I said..now feeling a bit tense.
“Well I'll tell you what...pack your things for the vacation. When we are finished presenting..we can send you on our way to Vegas. We just need..a bit of your time.”
That was that. He gave me the address, date and time of the meeting. The area was in a place called Amargosa Valley in Nevada. Luckily it was just about an hour away from Vegas. Before we parted ways on the phone, the operator said something...he said something that should have been a MAJOR red flag.
“Okay then, you’re all set...we will see you July 28th at 4:30pm. Not a moment later” he laughed
“Oh..and..one more thing, if you have some more specimens like yourself that might be interested in the free vacation...bring them along. They’ll all receive the same prize and you will receive $100 cash for every person you bring. We look forward to presenting you, Austin. Good day.”
I never gave him my name.
Still, my young dumb brain didn’t hear anything past $100 dollars. So I rounded up a few of my best pals and we were set to meet the reps over at the timeshare. The days leading up to the trip I couldn't get a hold of myself. It was so exciting. My first real vacation in...i couldn't remember how long. I longed for this type of adventure with my friends. We packed a truck full and set off to Amargosa Valley.
I brought Luke, Larry and Adam. We’d been friends since the 3rd grade. We all moved to AZ from different parts of the country that summer, so being new kids we naturally ganged up together. Luke was from Texas..we called him Tex. Real big guy. Loved to work out but definitely was a bit of a boozebag. Larry was from Ohio. Quiet in public but probably the loudest of us all. Always had some political conspiracy to talk about. Then Adam..Adam was interesting. He was from Florida...or Georgia...or Nebraska. Adam never could keep it straight about where he was from. He always had some sort of story and backtrack about where he’d come from. I personally thought he was probably from another part of AZ and just wanted to fit in...so we humor him and let him be the nomad of our group. I myself was originally from California...things got pricey so we made the move to blistering AZ.
That was my crew. No matter how long it had been, we were always as tight as ever. The ride was filled with laughing and gags. Stops at fast food joints and all around bullshitting. Yes it was an amazing time just driving there, we couldn't wait to get on with the meeting and head down to Boozeville USA. As we approached our destination...something felt off. Amargosa Valley had been a bit of a ghost town the whole drive. A gas station here. A small outlet there...but otherwise unpopulated. When we hit our destination we were met by a Chrome building. Smack center in the middle of the highway. As we parked at the only stall..we all took a look at each other.
“Well this is...odd.” Luke said plainly.
“Yeah man...are we really going there?” Adam shook out. Barely containing his fear.
“Look guys, I know it looks weird. This place is really clean and bright in the middle of a dusty desert but c’mon. It's like what...an hour of our time? Within 2 hours we’ll be on our way to the dopest guys trip ever.” I said...selfishly.
The guys all agreed. We got out, locked the car up and walked in through the sliding glass doors. The cool air hit us like a wave. Each of us breathing in the refreshingly cold air. The inside of this lobby..was also immaculate. Chrome everywhere. Right down to the sofas and chairs. A woman came from around the front desk.
“You must be here to be presented. I see you brought more specimens! What a joy! Will you gentlemen please follow me?” She said.
Specimens. Ugh. Her tone. That word still makes me shutter.
Me and the boys looked at each other..all with the same should we do it look on our faces. Maybe it was the cold air enticing our sweaty brows. We’d been a poorly AC’D truck for a couple hours. Or maybe it was the ice cold drinks she presented in front of us. Whatever the case we followed her through a door behind the front desk and were met with a grand auditorium. It looked as if it could hold maybe 50 people. And all they had was me and my knucklehead friends. As we sat down, sucking down sodas and waters, a mans voice came over the intercom.
“Welcome my friends to the Hibou Timeshare Corporation presentation. Today you will be examining the lifetime of these vessels. Determine whether or not you think they are a smart investment and make a choice if you would like to partake!” I recognized the voice. It was the same shrill tone that I set up the appointment with.
“Now my dear friends, it's time to sit back with your favorite drink...and listen..”
With that, a large projector screen came down from the celine. An old timey countdown began winding down.
BEEP3...BEEP2...BEEP1
From what I can remember, I heard the screams of something...unnatural. A scream so high tone that I felt as if my ears would burst with blood. I tried clasping my hands over my ears but to no avail. The screams were too overpowering. As soon as it started, I passed out.
I awoke looking at the lights on the celine. Unable to sit up. I could tell I was bareass naked on a metal table. I moved my head, the little that i could to see Adam next to me on another table. Naked as the day we were born. He was encased in what looked like a light purple energy field. Looking more in depth, I too had this field in front of me. Before I could speak the tables raised up. Bringing me upright. Bringing me face to face with Tex. To the left of me..Larry. “My friends, I present to you: Terramite 99-0 specimens.” a voice rang out. The same voice from the auditorium.
“They are..of the male species. Strong. Cunning and above all loyal...if raised properly.”
“HEY, you bastards. WTF is this! LET US GO!” Tex cried out. Before he could continue, the energy field tightened around him. Tex let out a scream that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The smell of burned flesh and hair filled the area. I would have puked had the horror of seeing my best friend being burned alive wasn't keeping my attention away from the smell. When the field lifted, Tex was stripped down to the muscle fibers. Hair burned down to the scalp. Tex convulsed until he finally relaxed into a hanging position on the table.
“Now see..specimen is now sedated. Relaxed into a weaker position. With the energy field keeping him contained and the Auto-Reversal Time Warp engaging, we can have this specimen back into working shape immediately.”
There was an electrical hum in the air. As before my eyes, Tex’s skin began to heal. His hair growing back. And all burns subsiding. It was as if nothing had happened to him. He still hung in limbo, but we could see the breath return to his chest.The rest of us let out bits of gasps of horror and astonishment.
I could see Adam crying a bit in the corner of my eyes.
A figure appeared from behind me. A tentacle graced my shoulder, not even phased by the force field. I caught sight of the creature. It stood around 7foot tall. Skin that looked human but a head that was elongated. No nose. And eyes that were black as coal. It had two tentacles for hands. I could not see its feet, as it was covered by a long gown.
Larry screamed in anger. “Your...your...a...a…” he managed to get out before the creature silenced him.
“Shhhh….I am...a salesman is all. Now my friends I will demonstrate the life cycle of the Terramite 99-0’s.”
With that, Larry's forcefield began to hum. Right before my eyes Larry began to get...smaller. Not in stature necessarily, no, but in age. He went from being a young man..to a teenager..to that kid i met in 3rd grade..to an infant. His cries were extremely loud. Unaware of the horrors around him. At that moment I could hear Adam's field begin to hum.
“Please no! Please!” Adam begged.
“If you will direct your attention to our third pod:”
Adam then began to scream as he went from a young man..to middle aged man...to retirement age and finally...to a decrepit old man. Hair as white as snow. Wrinkled beyond recognition. Each breath looking to nearly be his last.
“From birth to the declining ages of 70 to 100 Terran years…the Auto-Reversal Time Warp pods are the perfect tool to use when training your armys, your children, your slaves. Imagine...never having to replace workers. Never worrying if your training methods or punishments might go too far. Never losing a prisoner to death.” The creature said. Full of glee in his dead eyes.
Between the crying of baby larry and incoherent babbling of old man adam, the room felt like it was spinning. Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger, the rest of the lights came to life. The room we were in were surrounded by seats, similar to the ones we sat in. However, sitting in these seats were ghastly creatures of different varieties. Some looked like the salesman creature. Others were ogreish. Large bodied creatures covered in a film of slime. Some of them even looked human. It was the eyes though...their eyes were a teal color with white pupils. Many many creatures looked up me and my friends. All of them began clapping their hands in unison. The claps were deafening. The cries of the baby felt as if a baseball bat was connecting with my head every second. Adams babbling was terrifyingly disturbing. And Tex...hanging there. Eyes rolled back into his skull. I couldnt imagine the hell he began to feel. At this point I wondered what awaited my fate. The clapping stopped abruptly.
“Oh...Austin...yes, well if you want to know what fate awaits you just shut your eyes. Shut your eyes and quietly count back from 3.” the creature said...was he reading my mind?
Suddenly the urge to close my eyes overtook me. Almost as if I had no choice, I began counting down. 3….2….1….
Everything went black. I wasn't sure if i was alive or dead...or somewhere in between. I saw nothing but black for what felt like a lifetime. And in an instant...I heard that same shrill scream. Only this time I could not cover my ears. I couldn’t feel my body but I felt an unimaginable amount of pain. As the scream grew to its peak, I slammed my eyes open. Trying to catch my breath.
I was back in the car...we were all back in the car. The engine was on. Shitty ac blasting. The others were still out. I sat up in my seat. Not wanting to move too suddenly. The sun was beating down on us. I looked over at the time on the dash…July 28th 4:34 pm. I reached into my shirt pocket and I found several vouchers for the MGM hotels in Vegas along with $300 dollars. I also found a card that simply read “Hibou Timeshare Corp. would like to thank you for a bit of your time”
The boys came too. All feeling rather groggy.
“We all fell asleep huh?” Adam laughed. “We here?”
They didn't remember a thing. Not one thing. Not going in...not the reception area...not the freaky timeshare presentation...not one bit. I lied...i told them that while they were sound asleep, we arrived a little earlier than expected. The presenter had an emergency and left our vouchers at the front desk and apologized profusely.
“Wow, what a gentleman!” Tex laughed. “We definitely owe it to him to sit through another timeshare, probono.” Larry added.
I think it's safe to say that I will not be returning to this or any other timeshare. As I drove away I could see the building disappear in the rear view mirror.
So if you’re traveling deep within the southwest of the United States and hear an ad for a free vacation that's too good to be true...do yourself a favor..turn off the radio, call into work and ask for some overtime..because nothing is ever given for free.